Horrible day yesterday, told myself to just let it happen

So yesterday was fucking rough, I was already feeling down and got a letter from the job centre saying my money will not be stopped (I need to apply for hardship which is reduced money). So called Samaritans for 20 mins that somewhat helped then went to see them and they where not there. Then came home wrote my suicide note and made backup copies and set up my plan to end my life. I then attempted to hang myself for maybe about 5 seconds and just wispered to my self "just let it happen" it then started to hurt more then I thaught it would and so I stopped and broke down. By that time my parents where home and had to put everything away and pretend nothing happened. The scariest thing is for the 1st 3 seconds or so of closing my eyes and letting myself die I felt so peaceful. I have an appointment with my therapist 1st thing Monday I just hope I can hold out untill then

Comments

  • Matt, if you feel this way you need to either admit yourself or call emergency services. While I am happy that you didn't go through with it, you need to get yourself surrounded by people that will be there to make sure that you don't harm yourself. Please please please reach out to your local emergency services or admit yourself to a local mental health facility.
    TaraC73Michellez74aljtmy92
  • Garthgou81Garthgou81 Placerville, CA
    edited July 2016
    Agreed. At this point, posting on a message board can only offer so much relief-- you are in need of more help than any of us can provide. Please, go to an ER or call 911. I work in mental health and have friends who have done the same thing that @KingKobra is suggesting. They have come out the other end being much happier than they ever thought they could. Don't worry about the stigma, just go and do it. Help yourself.
    TaraC73KingKobraMichelleNikkiPz74al
  • TaraC73TaraC73 Manchester NH
    Hey Matt, I agree with the other two. Please don't wait til Monday. You need to get somewhere that people will keep their eyes on you, you can rest your mind for a few days and regroup. Please head to a hospital emergency department and check yourself in for help. While I'm glad you are still reaching out to us here, we can only be of so much help - you need people in your presence (versus online) to help you.

    Please, head out as soon as possible to an emergency department for aide. <3
    Michelle
  • iMatty- life is a beautiful gift no matter what has happened.  You just need help to realize that.  Go talk to someone now please.  Don't wait.
  • TaraC73TaraC73 Manchester NH
    @iMatty94 how are you today?
  • TaraC73TaraC73 Manchester NH
    @iMatty94 - hopefully you have gotten some help and are resting and regrouping somewhere. Please check in when you have a chance; been thinking of you the last two days.
    :)
  • TaraC73TaraC73 Manchester NH
    @iMatty94 wanted to check in again with you, make sure you're hanging in. Hopefully you're recharging somewhere safe. Check in when you can :)
  • TaraC73TaraC73 Manchester NH
    Admins: I'll take this to PM... I sometimes don't see my PM's when I log in, so wanted to make sure he sees my message.
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