Need a small bit of advice about dating

So I’ve been single for a long time and I can’t actually remember how long, there’s a girl because there always is, but she doesn’t feel the same and lives to far and I’ve accepted that but I do think about here a lot. 

But it what do I need to do next, online dating hasn’t seemed to work and there’s no one else currently. I keep dreaming and thinking about nice romantic situations which I can’t wait to have with someone. But it’s time to meet someone completely new 

Comments

  • HatorianHatorian Dagobah
    I’m no expert. But I have 2 words of advice.

    1. You need to be as social as possible. That doesn’t mean you need to be an extrovert. You can be an introvert. But when I say social I mean you need to go out and make interactions with people. The old saying is “you never know where you will meet your soulmate” which is true. And if you want to add science to that the only way to increase your chances of meeting your soulmate is to increase your interactions with people. So go out to eat instead of ordering delivery. Even if that’s means eating alone. Go to the grocery store instead of ordering amazon. Go to the bookstore instead of kindle. Etc. Etc go to parties, go to friends gatherings. Just go out and do what you can to increase your chances of finding someone

    2. I don’t want this to sound rude. I’ve never met you and don’t know you or know what you look like. But it’s important to have real expectations on the partner you’re looking for and know what you bring to the table yourself. In today’s world we see all these happy couples and perfect sexy humans Everyday. So we all want that perfect person. But in reality most of us are not brad Pitt or a supermodel. I know this is going to sound superficial when reading it but unfortunately it’s true. I personally have friends that are single because they are waiting for Mr/mrs perfect 10 to come along. Yet they are not perfect 10s themselves. if you have in this mind this perfect girl who probably doesn’t exist then you will continue to be lonely until you consider someone that has a lot of the traits you want and you can live with the others. No one is perfect. Everyone has faults. Including me and you. 
    CeciliaMDreamRycher
  • FreddyFreddy Denton, Texas
    @Hatorian Lend me that Patek Phillipe and my ugly ass will be pulling North Texas instagram model club trash all day. Just kidding. Club trash only know Tag Heuer and Rolex.

    HatorianNoel
  • HatorianHatorian Dagobah
    Freddy said:
    @Hatorian Lend me that Patek Phillipe and my ugly ass will be pulling North Texas instagram model club trash all day. Just kidding. Club trash only know Tag Heuer and Rolex.

    Hahaha. It definitely helps to have money If you’re trying to punch above your weight. 

    Luckily I met my Wife well before I worked hard to earn what I got.  I simply wore her down with persistence. She turned me down at least 4 or 5 times before she finally said yes to a date with me. 



  • They always say you find someone when you're not looking. That's hard advice to take action on though! But it's kind of true. I agree wth @Hatorian - put yourself out there socially and you will meet people, whether they are friends or possible dating partners. If you hang out with people with similar interests, you're more likely to meet compatible people. This can be anything like join a film club, go to church if that's what you believe in, or volunteer somewhere that you believe in. 

    I think you have to do the dating apps too, that seems to be what everyone does. But it's good to get out and be social on your own too.
    HatorianTravisDreamRycher
  • HatorianHatorian Dagobah
    I moved to Australia single. Didn’t know anyone in Sydney when I moved there. But I made a conscious effort to go out and be social as much as possible. It was Super lonely for like the first month or two I was there. But after awhile I had built up a decent network and was lucky enough to find my wife from social interactions. It wasn’t easy and it took time but it’s the best advice I personally can give. Go out and try to meet as much people as possible. Hopefully you will find someone. 
    CeciliaMTravisDreamRycher
  • HatorianHatorian Dagobah
    CeciliaM said:
    They always say you find someone when you're not looking. That's hard advice to take action on though! But it's kind of true. I agree wth @Hatorian - put yourself out there socially and you will meet people, whether they are friends or possible dating partners. If you hang out with people with similar interests, you're more likely to meet compatible people. This can be anything like join a film club, go to church if that's what you believe in, or volunteer somewhere that you believe in. 

    I think you have to do the dating apps too, that seems to be what everyone does. But it's good to get out and be social on your own too.
    The problem I have with this idea of “you’ll find your soulmate when you’re not looking” is that you can’t expect to find anyone if you don’t put the effort into looking. Yea, you might meet them at the grocery store or in line at a McDonald’s. But you need to go out for that to happen. You can’t find anyone if you spend all your time at home. (not considering dating apps or online sites)

    regarding dating Apps I have no experience with those. My only experience was AOL instant messenger chat rooms in the late 90s. I never had any success with that. I met a few girls from there and it was always a disappointment. I have a few horror stories that I won’t get into but I’m sure anyone else who also used the AOL chat rooms back then experienced similar issues. 

    But it seems like these apps today are the future of dating and yea, you probably need to consider trying to meet people on them. 
    CeciliaM
  • edited April 25

    .

    majjam0770CeciliaM
  • Teresa from ConcordTeresa from Concord Concord, California
    I have seen many wonderful connections (both love and friendships) made within MeetUp groups. For example, my hiking groups and movie groups. And these are NOT single groups. But people meeting with similar interests. Totally ties in to all the "be social" advice. 
  • MichelleMichelle California
    edited April 25
    I agree with all of the above.  I'll add, meeting people through friends is another great way to find someone.  Being that they know you and the other person well, they'll know if you might be compatible or not.  I met an ex-boyfriend through one of my close friends and we were together for almost a year.  So you never know.  But the main thing is to get yourself out there and socialize.

    Another thing - when you do start dating someone, don't push the progress too quickly.  Go with the flow and let it happen organically.  I know this can be hard if you are *really* into that person, but pushing for more too quickly will only turn them off.  Plus, by letting it develop in its own time, you get to know the other person better which will help keep things on solid ground if it turns into a relationship.

    (Edited to correct misspelling.)
    CeciliaM
  • Hatorian said:
    CeciliaM said:
    They always say you find someone when you're not looking. That's hard advice to take action on though! But it's kind of true. I agree wth @Hatorian - put yourself out there socially and you will meet people, whether they are friends or possible dating partners. If you hang out with people with similar interests, you're more likely to meet compatible people. This can be anything like join a film club, go to church if that's what you believe in, or volunteer somewhere that you believe in. 

    I think you have to do the dating apps too, that seems to be what everyone does. But it's good to get out and be social on your own too.
    The problem I have with this idea of “you’ll find your soulmate when you’re not looking” is that you can’t expect to find anyone if you don’t put the effort into looking. Yea, you might meet them at the grocery store or in line at a McDonald’s. But you need to go out for that to happen. You can’t find anyone if you spend all your time at home. (not considering dating apps or online sites)

    regarding dating Apps I have no experience with those. My only experience was AOL instant messenger chat rooms in the late 90s. I never had any success with that. I met a few girls from there and it was always a disappointment. I have a few horror stories that I won’t get into but I’m sure anyone else who also used the AOL chat rooms back then experienced similar issues. 

    But it seems like these apps today are the future of dating and yea, you probably need to consider trying to meet people on them. 
    Yeah, what I meant was more like, keep your eyes open and keep yourself out there but don't sweat too much if you don't meet the right person right away.
    Hatorian
  • Freddy said:
    @Hatorian Lend me that Patek Phillipe and my ugly ass will be pulling North Texas instagram model club trash all day. Just kidding. Club trash only know Tag Heuer and Rolex.

    ...and here I am in living in my Swatch world :)
    Hatorian
  • A simple and honest bit of advice...I realize that it's easier said than done...but be confident.  If you're not confident, fake it.  By 'fake it' I don't mean be deceptive and misrepresent yourself - always be honest - I just mean be aware of the message that you're projecting and if it's one of doubt or insecurity, make a conscious effort to push it aside and put your best foot forward.  I'm not saying to be a jerk, or arrogant or cocky...just believe in your strengths and lead with them.

    People want to feel good about who their partner is, they don't want to feel like they're doing their partner a favour by being with them.  That doesn't mean that you have to be rich or the best looking guy in the world, it means that you have to be the kind of person that someone else wants to be with.  Again, I'm not suggesting that you lie or be dishonest in anyway...just go out, be social, and 'advertise' your strengths.  If you're funny, be funny, if you're smart, be smart, if you're nice, be nice etc and you'll naturally attract someone who wants to be with someone who is funny or smart or whatever it is that you have about you that makes people want to be around you.
    MichelleCeciliaMHatorianDreamRycher
  • Freddy said:
    @Hatorian Lend me that Patek Phillipe and my ugly ass will be pulling North Texas instagram model club trash all day. Just kidding. Club trash only know Tag Heuer and Rolex.

    ...and here I am in living in my Swatch world :)
    My watch came from the Amazon Warehouse if it makes you feel better lol
    CretanBull
  • BenBen Melbourne - Australia
    Mate getting back out and dating can be really tough. If it makes you feel any better I guarantee there is someone out there who feels exactly the same as you do. I met my partner through Tinder, I know that Tinder has a reputation as being a hook up app, but for me it was a great way to meet a lot of people in a city where I didn't really know anyone outside of my immediate friendship group. Sure you have to wade through some weirdness and bad faith actors, but that's true of any social interaction. I've been with my partner for 5 years now and we're expecting our first child in November. Good luck @iMatty94 ;
    CeciliaMmajjam0770
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