Suiside plans

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Comments

  • edited June 2016
    @iMatty94, I know what you are going through. There were many nights where I would lie in bed and repeat to myself the Diane Reeves lyrics, "You can't get to those better days unless you make it through the night" or the inscription I read at the beginning of a Dean Koontz novel as a teenager, "It's always darkest just before the dawn." Sometimes you just have to make it through the night - please contact someone or keep talking with us.

    An interesting thing is that I revisited a thread you posted a couple days ago about Fear the Walking Dead coverage, and I got this feeling that my response was flippant and I should say something encouraging to you. So I am going to take that opportunity now: No condition is permanent. Things will change. It's hard as hell to keep trying, but keep trying.
  • Just saw this and wanted to chime with the others, and let you know that you are *not* alone.
    I also struggle with depression. It has felt overwhelming at times, but in the grand scheme of things ... there are too many good things about this world, and life, to end it.
    Please, please call one of those numbers listed in previous posts in this thread and talk to someone. And please let us know you're ok.
  • TaraC73TaraC73 Manchester NH
    @iMatty94 still thinking about you and am worried.
    Travis
  • Matty, I can only say what others have already said. Try talking to someone, anyone - a therapist, a friend, a family member, a stranger, or us! It's also true that things will get better, even if you don't see it that way now. I've been struggling with depression and crippling social anxiety for most of my life. I never went to a therapist because I was too scared. Mostly I just tried to make sense of my own feelings, and talked to people online. I found that talking to strangers is an easy way to let some of the baggage go. They have a unique and fresh perspective on your situation that you may not have thought about before. I always worried that people I know would never look at me the same way again if I admitted my depression and anxiety. No such fear with strangers, it gave me a sense of freedom. Some of those strangers became friends I'm still in touch with.
    I don't think depression ever fully goes away for good, but nowadays, even in my lowest of lows I know it will eventually get better, so at least I don't think about suicide anymore. I think that's progress.

    Please, let us know how you're feeling. I hope you find at least a little comfort in your day.

    (And to everyone else - you guys are great. The BM forum is probably the best online community I've ever been a part of! I know this is Matty's thread, but some of your words encouraged even me about my own problems.)
    TravisGeorgelippy
  • A_Ron_HubbardA_Ron_Hubbard Cincinnati, OH
    Should I attempt to contact the local authorities in the UK?  I'm worried since we haven't heard from him since the initial posts.  But I have no idea what to do or what I should do?  Ideas?
  • Gosh A.Ron, I don't know what to say, I know you guys don't collect information, would you be able to tell them enough to find him?
  • @iMatty94 Hey man. Would you please at least chime in here and let us know that nothing has happened? I can see how all of this may have turned into something more overwhelming than you may have anticipated, but I can't shake these worrisome feelings, as others have expressed as well. We'd all really appreciate it if you would just check in, man. We're here for you, man.
    TaraC73George
  • Should I attempt to contact the local authorities in the UK?  I'm worried since we haven't heard from him since the initial posts.  But I have no idea what to do or what I should do?  Ideas?
    @A_Ron_Hubbard not sure what kind of user info you have access to for forum users, have but if you have an IP or something that could narrow down a rough location you could try to get in touch w/ the appropriate police location:

    Not sure how to get enough identifying info to have them be able to check on him. If you Google his username there might be enough to narrow it down.
  • TaraC73TaraC73 Manchester NH
    Might be tough to track him down - I'm pretty sure you need a warrant to track an address down from an IP address; and narrowing down general area isn't going to do much good either. If you have access to his full name and address through membership info maybe we can narrow down the closest police precinct.
  • TaraC73 said:

    Might be tough to track him down - I'm pretty sure you need a warrant to track an address down from an IP address; and narrowing down general area isn't going to do much good either. If you have access to his full name and address through membership info maybe we can narrow down the closest police precinct.

    True - but for at least U.S. IP addresses if you put it into a site like this: https://www.iplocation.net/ you can narrow it down to a city/town, and if ARon has his full name he could try to get in touch w/ the police from that region.
    TaraC73
  • MichelleMichelle California

    Should I attempt to contact the local authorities in the UK?  I'm worried since we haven't heard from him since the initial posts.  But I have no idea what to do or what I should do?  Ideas?

    That was my thought when I tagged you, Jim, and Cecily earlier. If it can be prevented (hopefully it's still early enough for that) then you probably should. Would you have his home address since (I believe) he's a Club member?
  • I googled his username and found his full name, town, and photo very easily. That lead to this twitter account where he tweeted 4 hours ago. I don't know for sure if that's really him but there's a high possibility, I guess?
    Travis
  • BallbegBallbeg Belfast UK
    edited June 2016
    Reni said:

    I googled his username and found his full name, town, and photo very easily. That lead to this twitter account where he tweeted 4 hours ago. I don't know for sure if that's really him but there's a high possibility, I guess?

    Hopefully it is and,  If he was on the level,  that he had a change of heart. If so I only hope he realises that no matter how dark, hard and uncaring the world might seem, there is always someone somewhere who cares and usually a lot closer than you think.
    I speak as someone who had had to deal with the suicide of a very close family member and the consequences of it.

    TravisTaraC73
  • edited June 2016
    Something similar happened on a forum few years ago and the local authorities tracked the person down the same night. People in the UK, can someone coordinate with @A_Ron_Hubbard to contact someone? Hell, just call yourself and give them the information we have. We don't know how things work over there, like what number to call, and you could be very helpful. We need to take this seriously and act quickly.

    ETA: @iMatty94, We are not trying to intrude or add to the stress you are experiencing. But we want you to get the support you need right now, *immediately*, until you have the tools you need to fight this. I just want to say that it was not a mistake to reach out to us. We're going to help you get through this. You matter to us. You have more value than you realize right now, and we want you to make it.
    George
  • Ok 1st of all I owe you guys a massive thank you. Especially to a.ron (not trying to be biast but he's a busy guy) I'm shocked as to how easily you guys may have found my place I live but not my specific address. Suiside for me isn't off the table it's something I have been thinking about constantly. I probably need a fresh start and to meet new people and to be honest I no longer want to live with my family and I don't want to see half of them again. It's a very difficult time for me and I hope I can get through it and not give into ending it all. It's going to be tough and the hardest thing I've been through. But again thank you all soo much for the support. If someone could tag a.ron and let him know that would be nice (because I don't know how to). I was also stood up for by my date which made things a lot worse.

    Again thank you all
    MichelleNikkiPGeorgeReniWarpFoxTaraC73Dee
  • edited June 2016
    @Drew, love to you too. Thank you for opening up about where you are. I hope that you also find some value in the advice people are sharing that will help you expand the walls that depression and anxiety builds around us. Do it at your own pace, little by little. One of the good things about tv and film is that it helps expand the world in a safe way and helps us process emotions. It's no surprise that we have all found each other on a tv/movie podcast forum.

    One thing that helped me when I felt like you described was going on a mission. I came across a list of the best parks in my area and made a mission to visit each of them and check out the awesome things the article described. People probably got tired of me talking about all the parks I was visiting but I was loving it. It gave me something to focus on and nature has the power to restore. Ten years later I remembered that when I was feeling the same way again, so I found another "top" list based on what motivated me at the time, and went on another mini mission to go through that list. Even before I finished the list I was in a different place. It took me out of my negative thoughts. Maybe you can try this too.
    Drew
  • MichelleMichelle California
    @iMatty94 thank goodness you responded.  Clearly you have a lot of people here who you don't even know (including me) who care about your well-being, so I know we are ALL relieved to hear from you.
    I would like to again urge you to contact a support group.  You are not alone in your feelings, and there are so many out there who are going through the same thing, who will befriend you and be by your side, and you for them, and you will make it to the other side of this.  Please remember that no matter how horrible, terrible, awful things might seem, they *always* get better and it's worth sticking around to find out exactly how much better.  :)
  • edited June 2016
    Agree with @Michelle. Now that you have made it through the night, @iMatty94, you can find support to keep going. Don't wait. Reach out today to a counselor, hotline or support group. Fuck it, try all three and go with the one that feels right.
  • GeorgeGeorge Astoria, New York
    iMatty94 said:

    Ok 1st of all I owe you guys a massive thank you. Especially to a.ron (not trying to be biast but he's a busy guy) I'm shocked as to how easily you guys may have found my place I live but not my specific address. Suiside for me isn't off the table it's something I have been thinking about constantly. I probably need a fresh start and to meet new people and to be honest I no longer want to live with my family and I don't want to see half of them again. It's a very difficult time for me and I hope I can get through it and not give into ending it all. It's going to be tough and the hardest thing I've been through. But again thank you all soo much for the support. If someone could tag a.ron and let him know that would be nice (because I don't know how to). I was also stood up for by my date which made things a lot worse.

    Again thank you all

    I'll be honest with you...not too long ago I went through some of the toughest times of my life. I was deep in depression. I'd stay home all weekend. I generally didn't have any contact with the outside world other than the 8 hours I spent at work. It was tough, but I can honestly say when I finally made it through, everything was a little bit better. Colors were brighter, food tasted better, I even appreciate the birds that sing outside my window in the morning. It's the little things.

    Now, I don't know what you're going through, but I do know that you can and will make it through, and when you do you'll be glad you stayed the course.

    Props to you for staying strong. You got this.

    And again, I'm always here if you want to shoot me a message just to chat.
  • @iMatty94 Thank you so much for checking in, man. I'm really glad that you sound like you are willing to try some things, and I really hope that you will find someone to talk to (be it a hotline or a therapist or a friend or people around here, anybody). Fight on man, and feel free to message me (or not to offer for other people but based on the responses it sounds like there would be several willing participants) if you ever would like to talk stuff out.

    Sorry about your date man. That's super shitty.I know it's a cliché, but there will be many more dates. Just hang in there and keep fighting it off. Things will get better if you work at it and give them the chance to do so. We're here for you, man.

    George
  • MrSinysterMrSinyster Raleigh, NC
    edited June 2016
    @iMatty94 
    Depession is tricky. What I have is considered clinical depression, meaning I have abnormally low serotonin levels. I've been like this as far back as I can remember and was diagnosed ~22 years ago. I've tried antidepressants and therapy but nothing seems to work for long. While it's rare that I contemplate suicide, I also don't really care about living. I wouldn't say that I have a death wish but I do things that will severly shorten my lifespan and often wish I'd catch a case of something terminal so it could all be over. 
    I deal with this shit everyday. Some days are better, some are worse. Here's the deal, no matter how bad it seems there are people that love and care for you and your death would devistate them. Conversely if you do have people that are "haters" don't let those fuckers win. If this isn't a chemical imbalance it will pass eventually, and if it is there is help out there. Stay strong. 
  • A_Ron_HubbardA_Ron_Hubbard Cincinnati, OH
    Hey, glad to hear you're sill among the living man.  I can somewhat relate to your family situation, and it can be incredibly tough to keep on keeping on without an effective support network.  I hope you can use some of the info and positive energy generated by this threat to start building that up.  Again, I wish you all the luck in recovering!  
    iMatty94lippy
  • Hey, glad to hear you're sill among the living man.  I can somewhat relate to your family situation, and it can be incredibly tough to keep on keeping on without an effective support network.  I hope you can use some of the info and positive energy generated by this threat to start building that up.  Again, I wish you all the luck in recovering!  

    Still among the living, lol that's made my day cheers a.ron :)
    lippy
  • DrewDrew indianapolis
    @NikkiP thank you for the kind words. TV and film is a real good way to work out issues to an extent. I watch a lot of dark dramas and always got annoyed with people that would complain at the amount of darkness or edginess in a show and then I looked at myself and figured out that I enjoy them shows so much because I was watching people with worse problems than me, I was being entertained by these characters problems it made me not think about mine. I guess I could just read the news and get that but real world suffering is not something I take glee from, fake characters in fake situations doing awful fake things on the other hand somehow makes me feel better.

    I will definitely take your advice and find myself a mission to take on and see if that helps. Lucky I just got a 2 week vacation from work so I'm planning on taking the kids out and hopefully we can make a father/sons thing out of it.
    NikkiP
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