How To Raise a Human
OldGriswold
Brooklyn
in General
So, after over three years of challenges (a whole bunch of crap we don't need to go into), we're finally expecting our first human in a couple of months!
Personally, I'd like for us to raise a feminist (we know the baby is a male), someone who respects diversity, and who questions the world rather than taking it at face value. Especially important these days, I think. Easier said than done! As it stands I'm planning on not raising a Christian/Jewish/Muslim/Scientologist etc. child, but help to guide them until they are ready, able and willing to make a decision on whether they want to follow a doctrine or not.
I figured I'd reach out to all you sensible folk at BM and see if we can put together some tips, advice, life lessons, and "whatever you do..." kind of things.
Personally, I'd like for us to raise a feminist (we know the baby is a male), someone who respects diversity, and who questions the world rather than taking it at face value. Especially important these days, I think. Easier said than done! As it stands I'm planning on not raising a Christian/Jewish/Muslim/Scientologist etc. child, but help to guide them until they are ready, able and willing to make a decision on whether they want to follow a doctrine or not.
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Comments
Serious note, congrats! I can't really speak on it that much as the most experience I have is being the cool uncle to a few nieces and nephews. I'd say one of the best things I was taught growing up was to simply treat everyone with respect. Man, woman, or alien. Ideally that'll trickle down into the rest of their personality.
I have one child (18 now) and as someone who didn't grow up around much younger siblings and had no parent friends at the time, I was clueless. I basically treated my daughter like a tiny adult - spoke to her like I would anyone else from day one (a bit less colourful swearing, perhaps), took her with me out for breakfast or to cafes or when she was a bit older to movies and whatever artsy thing I wanted to look at. She's turned out to be a gem - which could be just her nature, but I like to take the credit. ;-)
Edit: babies make the weirdest noises. Don't panic when you hear all that snuffling and snorting they do throughout the night!
1) feed your kid age-appropriate stuff
2) change the diaper regularly
3) put on season appropriate clothing, and remember up til 7-8 months (when they are mobile and less blobby) they really do need an extra layer and definitely a hat on the newborn til about a month old.
4) You cannot spoil the baby by picking it up whenever it cries!
5) do whatever you need to do to get some sleep: co-sleep, baby in his own crib in his room or yours, baby in bassinet or even a laundry basket...
6) many babies resist being swaddled - but deep down they all love it. Don't give up on it, practice it now before he gets here. The tighter the better. They fucking love being burrito'd and will absolutely sleep better like that.
7) don't worry about church or religion or instilling morals and values into the baby just yet. Just love him to death and love on him at all times.
@trippy totally beat me to it, but totally check out Dr. Harvey Karp's video on the 5S's. His method is magic.
Co-signing with @Dee about some of those mommy-zilla forums. Take those forums with a grain of salt. Lots of nasty mean people out there who just care about being right.
It's kinda like Kung Fu Panda. There is no secret ingredient. Or, and I realize how cliche this sounds, but the secret ingredient is you. The ability to Reason, and respecting diversity & women are all pillars of character that you strongly value, so just be you and create a super loving happy home for your new bundle of joy. The rest just sort of falls in line.
Oh, also - hats outside in the sun always. In Australia it drives me nuts when I see tiny babies and practically bald toddlers out in our hot sun with naked heads. We even have "no hat, no play" rules at our schools.
Like @WonderedObject, I have none of my own kids but I do have two nieces (now 10 and 13). I've always felt that it was important to guide them in my own way, with love and compassion and humor and wisdom and fun. I do try to always have real and honest conversations with them, and to allow them to speak their minds. I feel it's important for kids to feel like they're being heard, rather than always 'spoken at'. To me, this helps build their confidence. In other words, always be there with an open mind and open heart, along with the tough love and discipline. You'll be great parents.
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Ditto on the sun bonnet! Hats at imperative! Remember their tiny brain isn't covered by skull for a long time you need to protect that noggin! LOL!!
Anecdote alert: when my daughter was about 6 or 7 we were at the playground and a kid from her class approached her. Lily snapped at him, "Stop talking to me! I don't like you!" I was horrified. I hauled her aside and did the "how would you feel if someone spoke to you like that" speech, made her apologise, etc. Later at home I asked her why she'd been so mean and she said this kid kept wanting to be her friend and she didn't want to be friends with him. I told her that she didn't have to be friends with anyone she didn't want to, but she would always have to deal in some form with people she didn't like so she needed to learn to be "polite but distant". (Like I said above, I basically spoke to her like an adult.) She's now an expert in managing conversation with annoying older relatives, bus stop strangers and difficult customers, ha ha.
And on that note - one thing I did notice back then is that so many parents DO try to force friendships on their kids. My advice would be that unless you want to see how mean your kid can really get, don't do that.
This is why we don't do "whole class" birthday parties - while I never want a kid to feel left out, I also don't believe in forcing a kid to invite people to their party they aren't even friends with. We invite a few real friends and that's that.
- There are very few "parenting truths". What works for one kid doesn't work for another.
- Do what you feel is right. Parents have an innate ability to raise a child. Trust your feelings.
- research but make your own decisions based on that research
I like it.